Alexandra Pflaumer
December 16, 2024
I often reflect on my early days as a young, green people manager leading a large retail team of employees, almost all of whom were older than me. I had some natural leadership skills and experiences at that point, but how could I possibly gain credibility and effectively lead an already-struggling team? In this daunting scenario, I was grateful to receive structured support and feedback. My work environment asked a lot of its leaders; however, they also provided consistent expectations and frameworks that helped me, and so many others, model effective behaviors and communication. To put it differently—I had the right direction and support while growing my 'management muscles.' While I'm certainly grateful I am not working the challenging hours of retail management anymore, I will forever value the development support I received as a manager at Target and the belief that other leaders had in me. It is not lost on me that I now spend much of my days supporting other leaders to create environments where they feel fulfilled, and their employees and organizations can thrive. I often wonder if my path would have still led to leadership development work had it not been for the influential experiences of my first five years in my career.
Through continued leadership experiences at work and pursuing my post-graduate education in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, I have continued to see one belief ring true (and validated in research). This is that employees crave consistency in their leaders. This does not mean that they dislike ambiguity or change; rather, they will thrive THROUGH ambiguity and change better when they know what is expected of them and what they can always expect from their leader. Leaders build consistency through repeatable, effective communication practices and a commitment to accountability—to themselves and their team.
A model of communication that I learned early on in my days as a new manager is the DESC model, created by Sharon and Gordon Bower in their book, Asserting Yourself. The acronym stands for Describe, Express, Specify, Consequences. While I was first introduced to the model to prepare for conversations in which I had to deliver constructive feedback, I've found that the simple, thoughtful structure can be applied in many leadership situations, especially in navigating challenging conversation.
Mindset Matters
Your mindset matters when you prepare for and navigate conversations, especially when delivering critical feedback. Whether someone is about to receive criticism from you, or you are trying to discuss tensions on a project, it is important that you try to create an environment with the best possibility for the other person to feel safe and know that you assume the best in them. If they start to interpret your communication as an attack, this puts most people on the defensive, turning their brains into fight, flight, or freeze mode, which subsequently inhibits their ability to think critically. Applying the DESC model with a healthy leadership mindset gives us a higher likelihood of creating a structured and calm discussion. In short, you are going to get more impact from the conversation if you walk into it with the other person's self-esteem in mind.
Assume good intent. Even when someone’s behaviors are rude or abrasive, start from a place of believing they mean well.
Stay curious. Seek to understand the individual. Even if their behaviors are not aligning with their intentions, you can do this effectively by asking open-ended questions that start with What, How, or Where.
Don’t match charged energy. You can diffuse elevated emotions by listening, staying calm, repeating what they are experiencing, and asking open-ended questions. You can also set boundaries and expectations with a level voice.
The DESC Model
D - Describe | Objectively describe the observed behavior or situation that you want to address. Reduce judgment and invite dialogue. Example: “What was your take on our staff meeting today? You didn’t seem yourself.” “How do you feel you’re representing yourself in meetings? I’m noticing that you have been interrupting others, including myself.” |
E - Express | Help the other person understand the impact of their behaviors. Consider the effect on observers, team success, customer relationships, their reputation, and your emotions. Example: “I understand you are navigating challenges right now. How do you think your communication in meetings recently has had an impact on your ability to move work forward? How do you think it’s impacting your own brand?” |
S - Specify | Specify the expected behavior change. Gain agreement on what they need to adjust moving forward. Example: “In the future, I expect you to withhold interruptions in meetings and monitor your tone. If you know you are agitated, I’m happy to meet beforehand to discuss frustrations.” |
C - Communicate Consequences | Explain the impact (positive or negative) of the behavior in the context of relationships, reputation, and organizational success. Example: “By focusing on your communication during frustration, this will elevate your personal brand and drive success.” For negative outcomes: “If progress isn’t made, this could negatively impact your performance.” |
I recommend writing your notes out in anticipation of any conversation in which your observations and expectations are critical to communicate. Investing as little as 20 minutes into your preparation can greatly increase how clearly you communicate, the mindset you model, the environment you create for the other party, and your own confidence in your delivery.
Conclusion
The journey from a new manager to a seasoned leader is shaped by the support we receive and the frameworks we embrace. The DESC model has been a valuable tool in my leadership toolkit, helping me navigate difficult conversations with clarity, respect, and purpose. By assuming good intent, staying curious, and maintaining a calm demeanor, we create an environment where feedback can lead to growth and success. As leaders, it’s our responsibility to model these practices for our teams, fostering a culture of accountability, trust, and open communication. The lessons I’ve learned over the years continue to guide me, and I hope they provide value to others striving to become better leaders in their own right.
Want to learn more about working with Whole Person Consulting? Check out my For Businesses page and Coaching page.
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